A walk down the memory lane - episode 2

When I see balloons, I go all childish. Even my friend comments me about my obsession with balloons. At the age of getting excited with new gadgets and latest fashion trends, I get excited by the sight of those lovely and colorful balloons. It is because those balloons touch a soft corner of my heart. They hold a special part of my life which is totally related to my childhood. It was my sister who, with HER obsession with balloons, instilled this feeling in me for those playful items. Balloons remind me of Dashain. As strange as it may seem, balloons were an integral part of our Dashain celebration. None of our Dashains were complete without balloons until my sister left the country. Ghatasthapana was the start of Dashain and balloons. The money we received from the ladies (mother, aunt and grandmother) of our house was all spent on the balloons of different color and structure. We were not allowed to keep money to ourselves and it was kind of a compulsion for us to buy a balloon with it. It was more like a tradition than compulsion and we wholeheartedly spent all those money on the colorful balloons. Even our parents were amazed at how many balloons we had at our home. There was this room, which was supposed to be filled with balloons by the end of the tenth day of Dashain. Round balloon, apple shaped balloon, heart shaped balloon, helium filled balloon, long stick like balloon, you name it and you would have found it in our room. It was like a balloon shop in itself. We were not to touch the balloon until the very last day. Whichever new shape/style balloon appeared on the mela was to be bought. It was the GOLDEN RULE. We were to buy the balloons of all styles, shapes, designs and possibly, all colors. All this was for one thing and only one: To take pictures with the balloons. As silly as it may sound, we actually did it and we did it every year for more than five years. It was an experience which I would like to relive. It might seem like craziness or even waste of money but it was a tradition which sadly, like many others, died along with time. There isn’t any room dedicated to balloons in our home anymore and neither do we buy balloons, except when it’s our kid sisters’ birthday or their demand. However, whenever I see a balloon, it becomes quite hard for me to resist the temptation of buying it and many times, I have ended up buying a balloon just for the sake of old times.

Cherishing the women in our lives

Women, regarded worldwide as ‘The Second Sex’, are indeed a vital part of this society. Although the world, kind of, depend on them for almost everything, they are usually the ones who are not acknowledged by the world for what they do.

Woman has to play the role of a daughter, sister, wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, mother, mother-in-law and many more. She is also a good friend people can count on. She plays her roles honestly and wholeheartedly. She puts so much effort in being the best that she often forgets who she really is.

She always tries to find herself in others, her identity in others. Being a daughter, she finds her world in her parents, trying to make them happy all the time and trying her best to be the good daughter. But what she forgets is that when you try to live for others’ sake, you don’t live for yourself. Her life as a daughter is what her parents want her to be which might not always be what she wants.

She might also be a sister to her siblings and if she happens to be the eldest ones, there are many sacrifices she needs to make. It starts with giving away her toys to her younger siblings and gradually as she grows, so does her responsibilities as a sister. She not only becomes a sister but she also needs to act as a mother to her siblings. Understanding them, taking care of them, etc. comes along the way. As she goes into taking up other roles, the countless responsibilities follow.

Every time before doing something, a girl thinks about what her parents would feel if she did this? Will it affect her siblings in any way? Will it hurt her in-laws? Will her friends approve of it? Will her husband be happy with it? Will it hurt anyone? These are usually the questions she asks herself before doing something while the real questions should be Would I be happy doing it? Is this good for me? Would it hurt me in the long run? Is this what I really want?

Each time, it is about others that she thinks. She tries to find her would, her happiness in keeping others happy. And while doing all of it, she forgets who she is and what she wanted with life.

I have seen my mother sacrificing many things for the sake of her family, as a daughter, as a sister, as a wife, as a daughter-in-law and as a mother. And I am sure that many of you have the same story like hers.

Every day, a woman sacrifices something just so someone she cares about is happy. Giving up the love of your life, your career, your dreams are not new for the women in our society. These are the great sacrifices that they had to make to perform their roles as daughters, daughter-in-laws and mothers. And yet, they are happy because their family is happy, their loved ones are happy. All it takes for a woman to be happy is to know that the people she cares about are happy.

It is not just about making sacrifices because not only our mothers but our fathers, brothers and husbands also make many sacrifices that go unnoticed. It is about cherishing the women in our lives, acknowledging their works, their efforts for bringing happiness in our lives. The little things they do for us every day.

Take a moment and call the women in your life and let them know how you feel about them. It could be your mother, your sister, your friend, your wife or anyone else who finds her happiness in yours. Just give them few minutes of your day and you would be surprised how happy that can make her.

I think I have written enough and now it’s time for me to call my mamu! :-)

Great Expectations!

Long before we are born, our parents have their mind set on what we need to do and how we should behave depending upon what we are (male or female child). It is only after they plan out our future for next five to ten years that the parents actually think about bringing us into this world. They expect us to fulfill their dreams, behave accordingly throughout our lives and do what they always dreamed but never got around to do. It's like they want to fill that void through us, they want us to have the life that they could not, which is good but only when we want to live that way.
What if our dreams are different then theirs? What if we want different things from life? What if we don't want to live the way our parents wants us to live?
Then there comes ideological clashes and other issues that might result in ruining the heavenly relation of parents and offspring unless one of them backs off. But its not always the parents who expect us to do things. It is understandable for parents wanting their kids to have the life they dreamed of but never had because they want their kids to be happy. And they surprisingly believe that kind of life will make their children happy and satisfied.
But its not just the parents who expect things from us. The list is too big!
Since the moment we are brought into this world, we are expected to do things. As soon as we are born, we are expected to cry or even laugh, show some kind of signal that indicates we are alive and normal. Hence, begins the series of great expectations.
When we start growing up, our parents expect us to learn to speak good things, walk, run, etc. In short, they expect us to behave as a normal and healthy child. When we join school, the teachers expect us to be disciplined and hard working. We are expected to know all the alphabets by heart. It doesn't matter if we are two and half years old or five, we need to learn all of it along with new words formed by the letter. I am sure you all realize how hard it was for you to learn A for Apple and Kapuri Ka for the first time. Moreover, they expect us to be able to write them down on our own rather than copying from the books. Of course they teach us to do so for a whole year, but what they forget is that, not all of us have the same memory power or talent that helps us learn things faster.
As soon as we pass through Nursery or LKG, we are expected to learn more and more subjects that include English, Nepali, Maths and Science. Even before we learn to pronounce these words, we are expected to carry those heavy books and learn everything, solve every questions that are inside the book on our own. What I don't understand is why does these children have to carry those books when you can simply give them worksheets and ask them to carry it in a file, just the ones that are needed? Why carry all those books in a bag that are larger than the children themselves when you have other simpler options?
When we start making friends, our friends, too, start expecting things from us. They expect us to help them in whatever they are doing, understand their situation and keep their secrets safe with us, share our lunch with them and help them do their homework. Sometimes, they even expect us to do all their homework for them while they enjoy the latest video games or watch their favorite cartoon show. They expect us to help them pass exams, meet their girlfriend/boyfriends, buy gifts for them, loan them money when they run out of their pocket money, take them out on lunch just because they feel like eating something at the nearby restaurant/food stalls. But above all, they expect us to stand by their side whenever they need us, whether it is after a difficult breakup, fight with their parents, fight with the neighboring kids, shopping, bunking classes or losing someone. They expect us to be there for everything, whether they are doing something good or bad.
It is a great responsibility and for someone like me, who don't know how to handle many situations like that, it is pretty difficult to meet their expectations.
When we get into relationship, more expectations come our way. We are expected to be loving, caring and understanding towards them and their feelings. We are expected to call them at least twice a day (as soon as we wake up and just before we go to sleep). It is sort of compulsion and it is expected of your partner to call you at least twice and text you as many times as you can count. You are expected to behave, that is, you are expected not to flirt with others, tease others, make them feel alone or even jealous. You are expected to give your full attention to them when they are talking even if they are talking about something you have no interest in or something you know nothing about. You are expected to keep them happy and make them feel special and loved all the time. You are expected to make their family happy and comfortable around you so they could bond with you. And when you get married, the expectation increases.
With every passing phase of life, expectations of others increases. Your parents expect you to behave in one way, your friends expect you to behave in someway and your partner or spouse expect you to behave in some other way. There are always the expectation of your parents and your spouse's parents and later in life, your children's expectations. Even at your office, your boss expects something from you. They expect you to work well and finish as many work as you can. However, they never expect you to ask for raise in salary or ask for an early leave today because there is something important you need to do outside office. When you enter your office gate, your boss expect you to become a robot who could be controlled and who could work twice as hard and fast as a normal human being.
The series of expectations never ends, even after death. Because even after you die, your offspring might expect you to leave a huge among of money and property behind for them to enjoy. Seriously, throughout the life, you live for others and they never realize the value of it.
When you are old and grey, one day, you would sit back and reflect upon your life, the life you wanted and the life you lived. There will be certain difference between how you wanted to live and how you lived, but it is up to you to decide which one to make better. Do you want the life you dreamed to be better than the life you lived? or do you want to live a better life than the one your dreamed? The decision is yours and with every passing minute, you will be losing one precious moment of the life you want which will bring smile on your face when you will think about it many years from now.
Someone always tells me, don't live for others, live for yourself and now I think he is right. Living up to meet other's expectations and dreams could never make me happy because no matter what I do, I could never satisfy everyone. The most important thing is for me to be satisfied with the life I live and I guess I am learning to appreciate my life with all its rights and wrongs. It doesn't matter where I live or how I live or if I meet other's expectations, at the end of the day, all that matters is the smile that comes to my lips and the satisfaction that warms my heart while I think about how I cherished my life and how happy I am.

A walk down the memory lane

Festive season is on and with it comes memories, both good and bad. Everything related to holidays and festivals has something to offer. For me, this time, it was kites.

Seeing the kites soaring high on the sky reminds us that Dashain is at our doorstep. It is just a matter of time when we will be seeing people in new clothes with Tikas on their forehead and Jamara on head. But when I see the kites flying on the sky, I don’t remember Dashain but something else. Something wonderful and fun related to Dashain.

The most amazing thing during childhood that I miss the most these days is flying kites. Although I rarely held the Lattai, it was seeing all my brothers compete with the neighbors that gave me happiness. Flying wasn’t all that important but the pleasure of seeing your kite going higher than others’ was. It was pure moment of pleasure. Those were the days!

Every year, I see kites on the sky but I have noticed, sadly, that number of kites is decreasing every year. It’s like people are forgetting the pleasure they get by flying kites. It’s like they don’t enjoy it anymore or maybe it is just that they like sitting back and remembering the good old days rather than reliving the moment.

It was wonderful how we all used to come together at out terrace in the evening to fly kites. One of us held the kite while other readied the Lattai. It was usually our elder brothers who flew the kite first and we, children, found pleasure trying to locate and figure out how high the kite went. Also another interesting factor was the unspoken competition we had with our neighbors trying to cut each other’s kite or flying higher than each other.

I remember running around the house to find glue (cooked rice) to attach tail to the kite just so it would fly higher. I also remember trying to make my own kite using paper and bamboo sticks, although it never made it to the sky. Little things as such gave immense pleasure and sense of togetherness and bonding which I do miss these days. These days we don’t fly kites like we used to. These days we don’t run around house searching for glue or attaching longer tails to the kites. These days we don’t make paper kites neither we fight about who will hold the Lattai. These days, we have grown. We are more mature. We have found other ways of finding pleasure and ways of bonding. We have found other ways of sharing short and precious moments together. But it will never be the same.

Although the relationship and bonding is always present, it will not be similar to the joy we shared while flying kites. These will be different. Not the same moments of innocence where we silently competed with others together but it will be different. A sharing, nonetheless, but more conscious of what we do. These days, our ways of spending time and bonding has changed but the relationship remains the same, only stronger and deeper with time although awkward at moments.

However, given the choice, I would definitely like to try flying kites once again with all my four brothers and a sister, if only for the sake of old times, to relive the memories.

Whose fault is it!

Is it the fault of the one who tortures or the one who tolerates it silently? Who is at fault? Human beings are abusers of power, it is a well known fact that we have learned through the centuries of experiences. However, we have also realized that the abusers can only be tamed and controlled if the people being abused take a stand. It is the way in which many tyrant leaders were abolished from power not only around the world but also in our own country. It was the way we removed Rana rule from our country as well as the century old Shah rule (although it doesn’t seem like a good idea seeing the present state of the country). But this is not what I wanted to write about.

I am intrigued by the idea of domestic violence. When man beats a woman for no reason at all (at least I can’t think of anything resulting in such harsh physical torture). Do these abusers have psychological condition? Or do they just do it because they want to feel superior? Whatever be the reason, for me at least, these people suffer from extreme psychological condition which makes them believe they have the power to torture others. I have heard of many cases as such. I have been witness to few, although I have not seen them with my eyes, hearing a man beat and a woman cry is enough evidence all right. Each time I heard it, a sense of fear and hatred grew in me. It got stronger with every slap or hit I heard. Did the man want to make the woman fear him? If so why? What is the point of making someone fear and hate you?  I have never understood the need of being so violent on someone for reasons I could never think of. You could always try discussing the problem. I don’t think there is any problem in the world which can’t be solved with discussion and understanding because most of them are caused by misunderstandings. I have never understood the intention and need that the abuser have. Maybe I could understand if I was to talk to them but, hell, I might end up hitting them on their faces!

However, the more intriguing part is why does the woman stay quiet about it all? Why doesn’t she take a stand? It is a well known fact that domestic violence is a crime which may result in jail sentence or penalty when proven guilty then why not file a case? Why not take a stand to protect yourself from the crime? Don’t you think rather than the abuser, the people suffering are more at fault in such cases? If you take up stand, then they will gradually stop doing so or maybe few nights at jail might calm their nerves. Maybe the reason for this is the dependence of females over males. If a woman is independent, she also becomes confident and is capable of looking after herself, however, in our country, most of the women are dependent over men, hence, the direct prey of their abuse.

Does she stay because she loves him and believes he will actually change someday? If so, she could only be a fool. Gone are the days when such things were proved to be true. These days, people usually take out their work or other frustrations on someone ‘weaker’ they have at home. Rather than being the love of their life, you are more like a tool to play with. Take up stand ladies and protect yourself because in this selfish world, there is no one who will do it for you. Even the people in your family stays behind and watch it rather than talk sense into that monster you call your love or whatever.

I wonder when such cases are going to end and when we will truly have ‘peace at home’. But for now, I really can’t figure out ‘who is at fault?’

The road belongs to …

Walking on the road has been difficult recently, not because of the increasing number of vehicles or the traffic rules but the attitudes of the vehicle owners. Be it a biker, car driver or taxi/micro-bus/bus/tempo owner, their increasing attitudes have become a problem for the pedestrians. The way they behave and the way they treat the pedestrians shows how they feel about riding a vehicle over walking on the street.  Their attitudes that show as if they own the streets are just too much to bear and still, it is increasing day-by-day. Not everyone, but more than fifty percent feels like they are superior then the pedestrians.

Well, for those who have the wrong idea that the road belongs to them, here is what they need to know: the road had and will always belong to the walkers not the vehicle owners. Although these days, the roads are made keeping in mind the types of vehicles that would be operated there, there are some ways that are meant for pedestrians as well. It is a different story that some people do not follow the traffic rules and cross road wherever and however they want to. But, most often, the vehicles, too, are at fault. I am not saying that the fault lies in one party but this article is solely dedicated to the treatment a pedestrian gets from a vehicle through the eyes of a pedestrian.

I walk on the road and, yes, at times I have broken some traffic rules. It happened because probably I was late for something that could not be delayed. Keeping that aside, every time I walk on the street, whenever a vehicle, private or public (most often its private or a taxi), comes near me, I am scared to death. The image these vehicles have made on my mind is immense and yes, certainly dreadful. It is not because of me being a victim of an accident, that had happened years ago, but my fear of the vehicles is recent. My fear lay in the way the vehicles go past me. The sound that the bike creates sends chills to my spine and the taxis, well, I am grateful that I could still feel my feet when the taxi passes by. If only they had realized the result of their actions and apologized, the case might have been different. But the apologies seem far-fledged when they show their teeth and ride away. The feeling that I get then, I want to break all their teeth in one punch. Their idea of fun isn’t understandable to the pedestrians who fear for their life when a vehicle comes near them at speed. No one is stopping others to have fun but just be careful to avoid giving others heart attacks while you try to indulge yourself in fun. The real you can be defined by the way you treat those who are less powerful than you. Maybe the carelessness is the reason why the number of accident includes vehicles.

Some I had once known had said that he respected the pedestrians and believed that the road belongs to them first, then to the two wheelers and finally the four wheelers gets to ride on them. I had liked his theory. This teacher, I don’t remember his name, didn’t walk, as most of the people might have thought because of his comments but owns a four wheeler. Even though I had come to know him for about a week, I came to realize that he meant what he said and every time anyone or a two wheeler tried to cross road or overtake his vehicle, he gave them chances. Rare are the people who do that in today’s world when everyone feels they are having a race of life and death with the others.

Just make sure that you are following the rules and not causing harm to anyone else and never forget that the road belongs to others as much as it belongs to you. A road belongs to those who use it, not to those who built it, if that was the case, most of the roads of Nepal would have belonged to the foreign nations. And, also remember that the pedestrians have left the entire highway and main roads for you using sidewalks for themselves so whenever, you drive through the narrow paths, respect the people walking there and avoid giving them a shock just for fun.

Love Story!

Its already more than five years, but with start of each day, it feels like it was just yesterday that the romance began. Well, not exactly a 'Romance' but a shy and a little 'yes' thing began. As clichéd as it may seem it was two college classmates getting together into a bond that neither of them had thought would last so long. With every passing day, for the last five years it seems like it all began just a day before.

A beep on cell phone alerting about an arrival of a message, no one would think could change your life forever. Quite uncommon and rare was the style and content of the message, which at first, was denied abruptly but later, got a hesitant positive response. The story that started with that particular message has, to date, written many more stories, anecdotes through more than thousands of messages. The shyness and hesitation converted into playfulness and determination and here we are, five years later, to stand together, never to give up on a relationship that neither of us thought would last this long.

It all began with that particular message which expressed the desire to be together in a relationship, share a bond, that neither parties involved knew, how long it would last.

The initial abrupt denial was later followed by a hesitant acceptance and then the story began that brought two lives together, through several ups and downs that only a Bollywood masala movie could have, the fun, playfulness, fights, debates, quarrel began to change the feelings making them deeper and stronger. The five year long period had many moments, events, situation, awkward, angry, lovely and magical, everything that has passed between the two of us comes clearly to the mind if I sit back and think about. The five years seems like five minutes and the forever could not even be enough, it seems, to love, to live, to fight, to care, to be there.

Along with each passing day, the feelings grow stronger, determined to live through all that comes our way, spend the rest of our lives together, that has not only become a wish but a goal of the life. The goal that does not make you forget your other dreams but let to live all of them and add up more to it. You dream of your future, not alone this time, you have someone to share it with, dream together with. The picture does not feature you alone but there stands, besides you, that particular person who taught you to dream big, who promised to stay by your side come what may, the one who, by all means, is only yours, to live, to dream with, to fight with and to cherish forever. Your's truly forever!