Great Expectations!

Long before we are born, our parents have their mind set on what we need to do and how we should behave depending upon what we are (male or female child). It is only after they plan out our future for next five to ten years that the parents actually think about bringing us into this world. They expect us to fulfill their dreams, behave accordingly throughout our lives and do what they always dreamed but never got around to do. It's like they want to fill that void through us, they want us to have the life that they could not, which is good but only when we want to live that way.
What if our dreams are different then theirs? What if we want different things from life? What if we don't want to live the way our parents wants us to live?
Then there comes ideological clashes and other issues that might result in ruining the heavenly relation of parents and offspring unless one of them backs off. But its not always the parents who expect us to do things. It is understandable for parents wanting their kids to have the life they dreamed of but never had because they want their kids to be happy. And they surprisingly believe that kind of life will make their children happy and satisfied.
But its not just the parents who expect things from us. The list is too big!
Since the moment we are brought into this world, we are expected to do things. As soon as we are born, we are expected to cry or even laugh, show some kind of signal that indicates we are alive and normal. Hence, begins the series of great expectations.
When we start growing up, our parents expect us to learn to speak good things, walk, run, etc. In short, they expect us to behave as a normal and healthy child. When we join school, the teachers expect us to be disciplined and hard working. We are expected to know all the alphabets by heart. It doesn't matter if we are two and half years old or five, we need to learn all of it along with new words formed by the letter. I am sure you all realize how hard it was for you to learn A for Apple and Kapuri Ka for the first time. Moreover, they expect us to be able to write them down on our own rather than copying from the books. Of course they teach us to do so for a whole year, but what they forget is that, not all of us have the same memory power or talent that helps us learn things faster.
As soon as we pass through Nursery or LKG, we are expected to learn more and more subjects that include English, Nepali, Maths and Science. Even before we learn to pronounce these words, we are expected to carry those heavy books and learn everything, solve every questions that are inside the book on our own. What I don't understand is why does these children have to carry those books when you can simply give them worksheets and ask them to carry it in a file, just the ones that are needed? Why carry all those books in a bag that are larger than the children themselves when you have other simpler options?
When we start making friends, our friends, too, start expecting things from us. They expect us to help them in whatever they are doing, understand their situation and keep their secrets safe with us, share our lunch with them and help them do their homework. Sometimes, they even expect us to do all their homework for them while they enjoy the latest video games or watch their favorite cartoon show. They expect us to help them pass exams, meet their girlfriend/boyfriends, buy gifts for them, loan them money when they run out of their pocket money, take them out on lunch just because they feel like eating something at the nearby restaurant/food stalls. But above all, they expect us to stand by their side whenever they need us, whether it is after a difficult breakup, fight with their parents, fight with the neighboring kids, shopping, bunking classes or losing someone. They expect us to be there for everything, whether they are doing something good or bad.
It is a great responsibility and for someone like me, who don't know how to handle many situations like that, it is pretty difficult to meet their expectations.
When we get into relationship, more expectations come our way. We are expected to be loving, caring and understanding towards them and their feelings. We are expected to call them at least twice a day (as soon as we wake up and just before we go to sleep). It is sort of compulsion and it is expected of your partner to call you at least twice and text you as many times as you can count. You are expected to behave, that is, you are expected not to flirt with others, tease others, make them feel alone or even jealous. You are expected to give your full attention to them when they are talking even if they are talking about something you have no interest in or something you know nothing about. You are expected to keep them happy and make them feel special and loved all the time. You are expected to make their family happy and comfortable around you so they could bond with you. And when you get married, the expectation increases.
With every passing phase of life, expectations of others increases. Your parents expect you to behave in one way, your friends expect you to behave in someway and your partner or spouse expect you to behave in some other way. There are always the expectation of your parents and your spouse's parents and later in life, your children's expectations. Even at your office, your boss expects something from you. They expect you to work well and finish as many work as you can. However, they never expect you to ask for raise in salary or ask for an early leave today because there is something important you need to do outside office. When you enter your office gate, your boss expect you to become a robot who could be controlled and who could work twice as hard and fast as a normal human being.
The series of expectations never ends, even after death. Because even after you die, your offspring might expect you to leave a huge among of money and property behind for them to enjoy. Seriously, throughout the life, you live for others and they never realize the value of it.
When you are old and grey, one day, you would sit back and reflect upon your life, the life you wanted and the life you lived. There will be certain difference between how you wanted to live and how you lived, but it is up to you to decide which one to make better. Do you want the life you dreamed to be better than the life you lived? or do you want to live a better life than the one your dreamed? The decision is yours and with every passing minute, you will be losing one precious moment of the life you want which will bring smile on your face when you will think about it many years from now.
Someone always tells me, don't live for others, live for yourself and now I think he is right. Living up to meet other's expectations and dreams could never make me happy because no matter what I do, I could never satisfy everyone. The most important thing is for me to be satisfied with the life I live and I guess I am learning to appreciate my life with all its rights and wrongs. It doesn't matter where I live or how I live or if I meet other's expectations, at the end of the day, all that matters is the smile that comes to my lips and the satisfaction that warms my heart while I think about how I cherished my life and how happy I am.

A walk down the memory lane

Festive season is on and with it comes memories, both good and bad. Everything related to holidays and festivals has something to offer. For me, this time, it was kites.

Seeing the kites soaring high on the sky reminds us that Dashain is at our doorstep. It is just a matter of time when we will be seeing people in new clothes with Tikas on their forehead and Jamara on head. But when I see the kites flying on the sky, I don’t remember Dashain but something else. Something wonderful and fun related to Dashain.

The most amazing thing during childhood that I miss the most these days is flying kites. Although I rarely held the Lattai, it was seeing all my brothers compete with the neighbors that gave me happiness. Flying wasn’t all that important but the pleasure of seeing your kite going higher than others’ was. It was pure moment of pleasure. Those were the days!

Every year, I see kites on the sky but I have noticed, sadly, that number of kites is decreasing every year. It’s like people are forgetting the pleasure they get by flying kites. It’s like they don’t enjoy it anymore or maybe it is just that they like sitting back and remembering the good old days rather than reliving the moment.

It was wonderful how we all used to come together at out terrace in the evening to fly kites. One of us held the kite while other readied the Lattai. It was usually our elder brothers who flew the kite first and we, children, found pleasure trying to locate and figure out how high the kite went. Also another interesting factor was the unspoken competition we had with our neighbors trying to cut each other’s kite or flying higher than each other.

I remember running around the house to find glue (cooked rice) to attach tail to the kite just so it would fly higher. I also remember trying to make my own kite using paper and bamboo sticks, although it never made it to the sky. Little things as such gave immense pleasure and sense of togetherness and bonding which I do miss these days. These days we don’t fly kites like we used to. These days we don’t run around house searching for glue or attaching longer tails to the kites. These days we don’t make paper kites neither we fight about who will hold the Lattai. These days, we have grown. We are more mature. We have found other ways of finding pleasure and ways of bonding. We have found other ways of sharing short and precious moments together. But it will never be the same.

Although the relationship and bonding is always present, it will not be similar to the joy we shared while flying kites. These will be different. Not the same moments of innocence where we silently competed with others together but it will be different. A sharing, nonetheless, but more conscious of what we do. These days, our ways of spending time and bonding has changed but the relationship remains the same, only stronger and deeper with time although awkward at moments.

However, given the choice, I would definitely like to try flying kites once again with all my four brothers and a sister, if only for the sake of old times, to relive the memories.

Whose fault is it!

Is it the fault of the one who tortures or the one who tolerates it silently? Who is at fault? Human beings are abusers of power, it is a well known fact that we have learned through the centuries of experiences. However, we have also realized that the abusers can only be tamed and controlled if the people being abused take a stand. It is the way in which many tyrant leaders were abolished from power not only around the world but also in our own country. It was the way we removed Rana rule from our country as well as the century old Shah rule (although it doesn’t seem like a good idea seeing the present state of the country). But this is not what I wanted to write about.

I am intrigued by the idea of domestic violence. When man beats a woman for no reason at all (at least I can’t think of anything resulting in such harsh physical torture). Do these abusers have psychological condition? Or do they just do it because they want to feel superior? Whatever be the reason, for me at least, these people suffer from extreme psychological condition which makes them believe they have the power to torture others. I have heard of many cases as such. I have been witness to few, although I have not seen them with my eyes, hearing a man beat and a woman cry is enough evidence all right. Each time I heard it, a sense of fear and hatred grew in me. It got stronger with every slap or hit I heard. Did the man want to make the woman fear him? If so why? What is the point of making someone fear and hate you?  I have never understood the need of being so violent on someone for reasons I could never think of. You could always try discussing the problem. I don’t think there is any problem in the world which can’t be solved with discussion and understanding because most of them are caused by misunderstandings. I have never understood the intention and need that the abuser have. Maybe I could understand if I was to talk to them but, hell, I might end up hitting them on their faces!

However, the more intriguing part is why does the woman stay quiet about it all? Why doesn’t she take a stand? It is a well known fact that domestic violence is a crime which may result in jail sentence or penalty when proven guilty then why not file a case? Why not take a stand to protect yourself from the crime? Don’t you think rather than the abuser, the people suffering are more at fault in such cases? If you take up stand, then they will gradually stop doing so or maybe few nights at jail might calm their nerves. Maybe the reason for this is the dependence of females over males. If a woman is independent, she also becomes confident and is capable of looking after herself, however, in our country, most of the women are dependent over men, hence, the direct prey of their abuse.

Does she stay because she loves him and believes he will actually change someday? If so, she could only be a fool. Gone are the days when such things were proved to be true. These days, people usually take out their work or other frustrations on someone ‘weaker’ they have at home. Rather than being the love of their life, you are more like a tool to play with. Take up stand ladies and protect yourself because in this selfish world, there is no one who will do it for you. Even the people in your family stays behind and watch it rather than talk sense into that monster you call your love or whatever.

I wonder when such cases are going to end and when we will truly have ‘peace at home’. But for now, I really can’t figure out ‘who is at fault?’

The road belongs to …

Walking on the road has been difficult recently, not because of the increasing number of vehicles or the traffic rules but the attitudes of the vehicle owners. Be it a biker, car driver or taxi/micro-bus/bus/tempo owner, their increasing attitudes have become a problem for the pedestrians. The way they behave and the way they treat the pedestrians shows how they feel about riding a vehicle over walking on the street.  Their attitudes that show as if they own the streets are just too much to bear and still, it is increasing day-by-day. Not everyone, but more than fifty percent feels like they are superior then the pedestrians.

Well, for those who have the wrong idea that the road belongs to them, here is what they need to know: the road had and will always belong to the walkers not the vehicle owners. Although these days, the roads are made keeping in mind the types of vehicles that would be operated there, there are some ways that are meant for pedestrians as well. It is a different story that some people do not follow the traffic rules and cross road wherever and however they want to. But, most often, the vehicles, too, are at fault. I am not saying that the fault lies in one party but this article is solely dedicated to the treatment a pedestrian gets from a vehicle through the eyes of a pedestrian.

I walk on the road and, yes, at times I have broken some traffic rules. It happened because probably I was late for something that could not be delayed. Keeping that aside, every time I walk on the street, whenever a vehicle, private or public (most often its private or a taxi), comes near me, I am scared to death. The image these vehicles have made on my mind is immense and yes, certainly dreadful. It is not because of me being a victim of an accident, that had happened years ago, but my fear of the vehicles is recent. My fear lay in the way the vehicles go past me. The sound that the bike creates sends chills to my spine and the taxis, well, I am grateful that I could still feel my feet when the taxi passes by. If only they had realized the result of their actions and apologized, the case might have been different. But the apologies seem far-fledged when they show their teeth and ride away. The feeling that I get then, I want to break all their teeth in one punch. Their idea of fun isn’t understandable to the pedestrians who fear for their life when a vehicle comes near them at speed. No one is stopping others to have fun but just be careful to avoid giving others heart attacks while you try to indulge yourself in fun. The real you can be defined by the way you treat those who are less powerful than you. Maybe the carelessness is the reason why the number of accident includes vehicles.

Some I had once known had said that he respected the pedestrians and believed that the road belongs to them first, then to the two wheelers and finally the four wheelers gets to ride on them. I had liked his theory. This teacher, I don’t remember his name, didn’t walk, as most of the people might have thought because of his comments but owns a four wheeler. Even though I had come to know him for about a week, I came to realize that he meant what he said and every time anyone or a two wheeler tried to cross road or overtake his vehicle, he gave them chances. Rare are the people who do that in today’s world when everyone feels they are having a race of life and death with the others.

Just make sure that you are following the rules and not causing harm to anyone else and never forget that the road belongs to others as much as it belongs to you. A road belongs to those who use it, not to those who built it, if that was the case, most of the roads of Nepal would have belonged to the foreign nations. And, also remember that the pedestrians have left the entire highway and main roads for you using sidewalks for themselves so whenever, you drive through the narrow paths, respect the people walking there and avoid giving them a shock just for fun.

Love Story!

Its already more than five years, but with start of each day, it feels like it was just yesterday that the romance began. Well, not exactly a 'Romance' but a shy and a little 'yes' thing began. As clichéd as it may seem it was two college classmates getting together into a bond that neither of them had thought would last so long. With every passing day, for the last five years it seems like it all began just a day before.

A beep on cell phone alerting about an arrival of a message, no one would think could change your life forever. Quite uncommon and rare was the style and content of the message, which at first, was denied abruptly but later, got a hesitant positive response. The story that started with that particular message has, to date, written many more stories, anecdotes through more than thousands of messages. The shyness and hesitation converted into playfulness and determination and here we are, five years later, to stand together, never to give up on a relationship that neither of us thought would last this long.

It all began with that particular message which expressed the desire to be together in a relationship, share a bond, that neither parties involved knew, how long it would last.

The initial abrupt denial was later followed by a hesitant acceptance and then the story began that brought two lives together, through several ups and downs that only a Bollywood masala movie could have, the fun, playfulness, fights, debates, quarrel began to change the feelings making them deeper and stronger. The five year long period had many moments, events, situation, awkward, angry, lovely and magical, everything that has passed between the two of us comes clearly to the mind if I sit back and think about. The five years seems like five minutes and the forever could not even be enough, it seems, to love, to live, to fight, to care, to be there.

Along with each passing day, the feelings grow stronger, determined to live through all that comes our way, spend the rest of our lives together, that has not only become a wish but a goal of the life. The goal that does not make you forget your other dreams but let to live all of them and add up more to it. You dream of your future, not alone this time, you have someone to share it with, dream together with. The picture does not feature you alone but there stands, besides you, that particular person who taught you to dream big, who promised to stay by your side come what may, the one who, by all means, is only yours, to live, to dream with, to fight with and to cherish forever. Your's truly forever!

Characterizing Sita in Ramayana

The Hindu epic Ramayana describes the character of Ram as selfless, well mannered, devoted and disciplined character. He knows his responsibilities and put them ahead of his own life and personal duties. Being a King, he is owned by the Kingdom and his people first and his preference for his own life and family falls behind. Everyone familiar with the story knows how respected and holy he was who set an example of true Leader. However, it’s not him and his qualities this article discusses about but the prejudice his better half Sita had to suffer.

Born to a Royal family, she never knew what need or problem was. Being married to a Crown Prince, her life was blessed by the God himself. However, future had different things in store for her. When her husband was ordered exile from the Kingdom for fourteen years, she volunteered to join him as a devoted wife would do. Maybe that was a wrong decision she made that completely changed her life for worst. Had she stayed at the palace, she wouldn’t have ended up throwing herself alive into the lap of mother Earth.
While on exile, she was kidnapped by the Ravan, a powerful and villainous King of Demons. Her only mistake was crossing the Laxman Rekha that her brother-in-law had drawn around the house to keep her safe. Disobeying her brother-in-law Laxman’s request became the biggest mistake of her life. Everyone seem to see that mistake of hers and blame her for committing it without thinking about the reason for her doing so. She loved and worshipped her husband and the fear of losing him was so great that she did not give thought to how brave and unbeatable her husband was. No challenger could stand in front of him which is one reason why Ravan had to kidnap her by misleading and cheating them. She accused Laxman of loving her and trying to get his brother killed when he didn’t go for rescue of his brother in the forest (which wasn’t required after all). He drew the circle around the house and asked her never, under any circumstances, cross the line as he had cast spell in it for her safety. She, however, could not comply with his request as the Ravan in disguise of a Sage threatened to curse her husband if she didn’t bring the alms to where he was seated (away from the Laxman Rekha). It was because of the fear of her husband’s safety she crossed the line which is also interpreted as the Line of Honor for women in present day. When in the hour of fear, one happens to lose their sanity and could not think straight. It is perfectly understandable why she send Laxman after her husband when she heard a cry for help and also her crossing the line to give alms to the Sage. Her only mistake was to love her husband too much that the fear of him getting hurt took over her senses.

Despite of being held captive in a strange land surrounded and tortured by the Demons who threatened to kill her if she did not accept the offer made by Ravan, she fearlessly managed to keep her dignity and honor. Even the God of Fire (Agni Dev) could not burn her and she remained unhurt amidst the fire during her Agni Parikshya (Fire Test). However, all her love and devotion were forgotten at once when a fisherman questioned her honor.

She was left out alone in the middle of the forest with nothing to go on except her love and devotion towards her husband. Raising two sons on her own was difficult for the princess who never had to face any troubles before she accompanied her husband in his exile. She ended her life requesting the mother Earth to take her into her shelter, she went back to where she had come from.

We call Sita’s name before Ram for her devotion and pure love towards her husband. Except that she only faces prejudice for making one mistake in her life. And even today, the example of Sita is given to stop the females who want to cross their bounds of tradition, in search of their own identity. In the countries like Nepal which is rather based on traditional values, the belief still lies afresh that if a woman crosses the boundary of her house, she is certain to fail and cease to self-destruction. This is one of the major reasons why women are not allowed the freedom and equality that a man enjoys.

Acknowledging the Editor

Making a movie or a video is a tough job. It takes a lot of effort, time and money. We know people who give their all to bring out the best results like directors, actors, producers and also singers. However, we forget to acknowledge one person who makes the entire project presentable.

Almost all of us remember the name of the director and the producer of the movie but have we even given a thought to who the editor of the movie is? The person who cuts the unnecessary part, adds needed effects, compile the video in chronological order and makes the movie worth the watch, the editor, is usually left unacknowledged.

The raw footage brought in by the director is given into the capable hands of the editor. It is then his/her job to bring out the perfectly presentable movie as per the director and audiences' liking. From the very beginning till the end, a slightest of mistake by the editor could ruin the movie.

Although the director brings life to the movie, the editor hones its soul. It is them who make the movie presentable on the basis of effects, perfection in the flow, chemistry between the sound and video. Even the splits second delay could ruin the entire movie. The effects to be used at the perfect moment, the selection of the background score for the frame, every minute details that a normal viewer fails to detect should be perfectly attainted so that even the experienced observant cannot find flaw in the presentation.

From the moment the raw is handed over till the movie releases, it is the editor's job to do everything to make the movie best. Almost all of the post production phase revolves around them. They are to watch whether the frame will go smooth or there will be disturbance in the pixels while playing the movie in the big screen, designing the promo in a way that lures the audiences to the theatre. And sometimes, they even have to work out with the insufficient amount of footage for the video without repetition. This is where they get to show their magic. With what little footage they have, they bring out the best video without repeating the same scenes with the help of the special effects.

Despite their efforts and contribution, they usually are the ones who remain unknown to the audience like the cook in the kitchen of any restaurants/ hotels. Staying behind the scene and serving their best to the client. We remember the name of the place not the cook/chef similar to remembering the directors and actors. We only acknowledge them who we see not those behind the curtain. Hence, this article is dedication to all the video editors, who work hard so we, the audience, could enjoy the movie.

Next time we go for a movie, let's try to observe how much effort has been put in it by its editor and try to remember their names.