मलाई एउटा श्रीमती चाहियो

म त्यो वर्गमा पर्छु जसलाई श्रीमती भनिन्छ | म एउटी श्रीमती हुँ | र, संयोगवस् होइन, म एउटी आमा हुँ |

हालसालै मेरो एक पुरुष साथी भेट भयो जसको भर्खरै डिभोर्स भएको छ | उनको एउटा बच्चा थियो जो पक्कै उनकी पूर्वश्रीमती सँग छ | उनी स्वाभाविकै अर्की श्रीमतीको खोजीमा छन् | एक साँझ आइरन गरिरहेको बेला उनलाई सम्झिए र अचानक मेरो पनि एउटा श्रीमती भए हुन्थियो भन्ने मलाई लाग्यो | मलाई किन श्रीमती चाहियो?

म फेरी स्कूल जान चाहन्छु जसले गर्दा म आर्थिक रुपमा आत्मनिर्भर भई, आफू र परेको खण्डमा आफूमाथि निर्भर हुनेहरुलाई हेर्न सकूँ | मलाई यस्ती श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले कमाएर मलाई स्कूल पाठाओस् | र जब म स्कूल जान थाल्छु, मेरी श्रीमतीले मेरो छोराछोरीको हेरचाह गरोस् | मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले बच्चाहरुलाई डाक्टर र डेन्टिस्टकोमा लाने समयको ख्याल राखोस् अनि, मेरो पनि | मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले मेरा छोराछोरीहरुको खानपिन र सरसफाईको ध्यान राखोस् | मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले छोराछोरीको लुगा धोएर राम्ररी राखोस् | मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले मेरो छोराछोरीको राम्रो पालनपोषण गरोस्, उनीहरुको स्कूल जाने व्यवस्था, उनीहरुको साथीभाईहरुसंग सामाजिक जीवनको व्यवस्था, उनीहरुलाई पार्क, चिडियाखाना लैजाने गरोस् | मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले बच्चाहरु बिरामी हुँदा उनीहरुको हेरचाह गरोस्, एउटी श्रीमती जसले बच्चाहरुलाई विशेष हेरचाह चाहिएको बेला उनीहरु सँगै हुने व्यवस्था मिलाओस् किनभने मैले स्कूलमा क्लास छोड्न मिल्दैन नि | मेरी श्रीमतीले आफ्नो जागिर नगुमाई केहि समय बिदा बस्ने छोड्न सक्ने व्यवस्था मिलाउनु पर्छ | त्यसले मेरी श्रीमतीको कमाईमा बेलाबेलामा केहि कटौती होला तर म त्यति सहन सक्छु जस्तो लाग्छ | भनिरहनु नपर्ला कि मेरी श्रीमतीले आफू काम गर्न जाँदा बच्चाहरुको रेखदेखको व्यवस्था र खर्च मिलाउने छ |

मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले मेरो शारीरिक आवश्यकताहरुको ध्यान राखोस् | मलाई एउटी  श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले मेरो घर सफा राखोस् | एउटी श्रीमती जसले मैले जथाभावी छोडेका कुराहरु ठेगानमा राखोस् | मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले मेरो लुगाहरु सफा, आईरन गरेर, मिलाएर, परेको खण्डमा बदलेर राखोस् र जसले मेरो सबै व्यक्तिगत समानहरु तिनीहरुको यथास्थानमा रखिदियोस् जसले गर्दा मलाई चाहिने कुरा चाहिने बित्तिकै मैले भेटौँ | मलाई श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले खाना पकाओस्, एउटी श्रीमती जो राम्रो कुक होस् | मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले खानको मेन्यु बनाओस्, चाहिने सरसमान किनोस्, खान तयार गरोस्, खुशीसाथ पस्कियोस् र त्यसपछि सफाई गरोस् त्यतिबेला म पढ्न बस्नेछु | मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ  जसले म बिरामी हुँदा मेरो हेरचाह गरोस् र मेरो पीडा र स्कुलको छुटेको समयप्रति सहानुभूति राखोस् | मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जो हाम्रो पारिवारले छुट्टी मनाउदा सँगै जाओस् जसले गर्दा मलाई आराम र ठाँऊ परिवर्तन चाहिएको बेला कसैले मेरो र मेरो बच्चाहरुको निरन्तर हेरचाह गर्न सकोस् |

मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले मलाई श्रीमतीको कर्तव्यबारे गनगन गरेर दिक्क नलगाओस् | तर मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले मेरो पढाईको क्रममा मैले अनुभव गरेको गाह्रो कुरा व्यक्त गर्न मन लागेको बेला मेरो कुरा सुनोस् | मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले मैले लेखिसकेपछि मेरा पेपरहरु मेरा लागी टाईप गरोस् |

मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले मेरो सामाजिक जीवनको ध्यान राखोस् | जब म र मेरी श्रीमती मेरो साथीहरुद्वारा बाहिर आमन्त्रित हुन्छौँ, म चाहन्छु एउटी श्रीमती जसले बच्चाहरुलाई हेर्ने मान्छेको व्यवस्था गरोस् | जब म स्कूलमा मलाई मान्न पर्ने मान्छेहरु भेट्छु र उनीहरुलाई मनोरन्जन गराउन चाहन्छु, म चाहन्छु एउटी श्रीमती जसले घर सफा राखोस्, विशेष परिकार बनाओस्, म र मेरो साथीहरुलाई पस्कियोस् र मेरो र मेरो साथीहरुको रुचिको विषयहरुमा मैले कुरा गर्दा मलाई बीचमा नरोकोस् | मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले बच्चाहरुलाई मेरो पाहुना आउनु अगाडी नै ख्वाईओरी सुताओस् जसले गर्दा बच्चाहरुले हामीलाई दुख नदिउन् |

र मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसलाई थाहा होस् कि कहिलेकाहीं मलाई एक्लै एक रात बाहिर बस्न पनि आवश्यक छ |  

मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जो मेरो यौन आवश्यकता प्रति संवेदनशील होस्, एउटी श्रीमती जसले मलाई मन लागेको बेला जोश र उत्सुकताका साथ मलाई माया गरोस्, एउटी श्रीमती जसले मलाई सन्तुष्ट बनाओस् | र स्वाभाविकै, मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले मेरो मुड नभएको बेला मसँग शारीरिक सम्बन्धको माग नराखोस् | मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले गर्भ निरोध सम्बन्धी सम्पूर्ण जिम्मेवारी लियोस् किनभने मलाई धेरै बच्चाहरु चाहिन्दैन | मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जो मसँग यौनिक रुपमा इमान्दार रहोस् जसले गर्दा मैले मेरो बौद्धिक जीवनलाई इर्ष्याले अव्यवस्थित गर्नु नपरोस् | र मलाई एउटी श्रीमती चाहिएको छ जसले यो बुझोस् कि मेरो यौन आवश्यकताहरु एकपत्नी नियमको कडा पालना भन्दा अलि बाहिर जान्छ | म, जे भएपनि, मान्छेहरुसँग सक्दो सम्पूर्ण रुपमा घुलमिल हुन सक्नुपर्छ |

यदि, सम्भवत, मैले अर्को मान्छे, जो मेरी श्रीमती हुन मेरी अहिलेकि श्रीमती भन्दा अझै लायककि छ, भेट्टाएँ भने मेरी अहिलेकि श्रीमतीलाई अर्की सँग बदलिने म स्वतन्त्रता चाहन्छु | स्वाभाविकै म एउटा नयाँ जीवनको अपेक्षा राख्छु; मेरी श्रीमतीले छोराछोरी लगोस् र उनीहरुकोलागी नितांत एकलै जिम्मेवार होस् ताकी म स्वतन्त्र रहन सकूँ |

जब म स्कूल सकेर जागिर खान थाल्छु, म चाहन्छु कि मेरी श्रीमतीले काम छोडेर घरमै बसोस् जसले गर्दा मेरी श्रीमतीले अझै पूर्ण र सम्पूर्ण रुपमा एउटी श्रीमतीको कर्तव्य पुरा गर्न सकोस् |

हे भगवान्, श्रीमती कसलाई चाहिन्दैन होला?

प्रस्तुत लेख सन् १९७१ को निऊ योर्क पत्रिकामा प्रकाशित जुडी (साईफर्स) ब्राडीको "आई वान्ट अ वाईफ' को अनौपचारिक अनुवाद हो | ४९ वर्षपछि पनि उत्तिकै सान्दर्भिक महसुस भएकोले यसको अनुवाद गरेको हुँ | हामीले वास्तवमै कति परिवर्तन ल्याएछौँ भन्ने कुरा यो लेख पढेर मनन् गर्नुहोला | 

To read original article in English, go to: 

https://www.thecut.com/2017/11/i-want-a-wife-by-judy-brady-syfers-new-york-mag-1971.html

म छोरा भएको भए

आमा, तिमी कति महान तर म कति तुच्छ

आमा, तिमीलाई म सधै गाह्रो पर्दा खोज्छु, तिमीसंग बोल्दा मन हलुङ्गो हुन्छ 

तर आमा तिम्रो जीवन सम्झिंदा मेरो मन रुन्छ

आफ्नो जन्मप्रति अत्यार लाग्छ

आमा, म नभएको भए सायद तिमी पनि खुलेर बाच्ने थियौ

आफ्ना सपना, चाहना सबै पुरा गर्ने थियौ

तर मैले तिमीसँग त्यो सबै अधिकार खोसे

तिमीलाई बलिदानको उदाहरण बन्न बाध्य बनाए

तिमी आमा हुँदिन थियौ त तिमी देवी हुँदिन थियौ

तिमी पनि आम मान्छे सरह आफ्नो जीवन आफ्नो तरिकाले बाँच्ने थियौ

म तिम्रो गर्भमा आएदेखि नै तिमीलाई मैले त्यागको अथाह भवसागरमा धकेंले आमा

त्यहि दिनदेखि तिमीले आफ्नो सबै पहिचान छोडेर मेरा लागी बाँच्न थाल्यौ

तिमीलाई आफ्नो काम छोड्न बाध्य बनाइयो

मेरो हुर्काई तिमीबिना हुँदैन भनेर तिमीलाई सबै कुरा बिर्सेर मैमाथि आफ्नो सर्वस्व केन्द्रित गर्न बाध्य बनाइयो

मेरा लागी तिमीलाई आफ्नो लक्ष्य त्याग्न बाध्य बनाइयो

आमा, तिमीले मेरा लागी गरेका सबै कुराले तिमीले मलाई नतिरीसक्नु ऋण लगायौ भनेर तिमीलाई सानो बनाउँदिन

तर तिमीसँग तिम्रो सपना, लक्ष्य, चाहना, जीवन सबै खोसेकोमा म आफुलाई कहिल्यै माफ गर्न सक्दिन

आमा, तिमीलाई देवी बनाए तर आमा तिम्रो अंश भएर पनि म पापी भए

यो पापको प्रायश्चित म कसरी गरूँ

तिम्रो सपना, इच्छा र जीवन खोसेर लागेको पाप म कसरी पखालुँ

आमा, म छोरा भएको भए सायद मैले तिमीलाई बैतरणी तारेर यो पाप पखाल्थें

तिम्रो पृथ्वीलोक पछिको जीवन सुनिश्चित गरी तिमीलाई मुक्ति दिलाउँथे

तर आमा म छोरीलाई त्यो अधिकार पनि छैन

सायद मैले गरेको पापकै कारणले हो आमा मैले पनि तिमी जस्तै त्याग र बलिदानको उदाहरण बनिदिनुपर्ने

तिमीले गरेजस्तै आफ्नो सपना, इच्छा र लक्ष्यको घाँटी रेट्नुपर्ने

आफुलाई बिर्सेर आफ्नो सन्तानमा हराउनु पर्ने

सायद छोरीले गर्न सक्ने प्रायश्चित यहि नै हो आमा

तर आमा म जुन प्रायश्चितको आगोमा जल्दैछु म फेरी आफ्नो सन्तानलाई त्यहि आगोमा कसरी होम्नु

छोराले त बैतरणी तारेर पाप पखाल्ला तर म आफ्नी छोरीलाई कसरी भनुँ तिमी आफ्नो सबै रहर, इच्छा र लक्ष्यलाई बिर्सिएर त्याग र बलिदानको उदाहरण बन

आफूलाई हराएर अर्कैको लागि बाँच्न सिक, आफ्नो संसार उसैमाथि केन्द्रित गर

मलाई यो कस्तो धर्मसंकटमा पारेऊ आमा तिमीले

तिमीमाथि गरेको अन्यायको पाप पखाल्न मैले आफ्नो सन्तानमाथि अन्याय गर्नुपर्ने

कति राम्रो हुन्थियो होला आमा यदि छोरीले पनि छोराजस्तै बैतरणी तारेर पाप पखाल्न पाउने भए

आफ्नो पापको प्रायश्चित गर्न मैले अर्कोलाई फेरी पापको भागीदार बनाएको छु भन्ने आत्मग्लानीमा बाच्नुपर्ने थिएन |

यसको अडियो सुन्नका लागी यो लिंकमा जानहोस्: https://youtu.be/5VJK8zO2A2g

आमा तिमी देवी नबन

मान्छेलाई पृथ्वीमा जन्म भगवानले दिए भनेर होला आमा तिमीलाई भगवान माने

तर आमा तिमी भगवान नबन, तिमी देवी नबन

तिमी पनि मान्छे नै हौ, तिमी मान्छे नै बन |

तिमीलाई सबैले मिलेर देवी बनाए, पुज्य बनाए, तिमीलाई स्तम्भ माथि लगेर राखे

यति माथि राखे कि तिमी तल हेर्न पनि डरायौ, ओर्लिन पनि सकेनौ

तिमीलाई त्याग र बलिदानको उदाहरण बनाए, निस्वार्थ र अविरल प्रेमको सगर बनाए

तिमीलाई ममताकी खानी र वंशकी जननी बनाए

तिम्रालागि कथा, कविता र श्लोक रचना गरे

तिमीलाई यिनै रचनामा रम्न सिकाए

यसमै रुमल्याए |

आमा तिमी कति सोझी छौ

तिमीले यिनीहरुको चलाखी नै बुझिनौ

तिमीलाई महान बनाएर आमा, यिनीहरु मान्छे बनिरहे

तिमीलाई त्याग र बलिदानमा अल्झाएर आफु सपना र रहर पुरा गरिरहे

तिमी मेरै सेरोफेरो घुमीरहँदा उनीहरु संसार घुमे

तिमी मलाई पछ्याई रहेऊ, उनीहरु आफ्नो लक्ष्य पछ्याईरहे

तिमीलाई आमा बनाएर महान, पुज्य बनाए |

तर आमा तिमी कति सोझी

तिमी आमा बन्न व्यस्त हुँदा तिमीलाई मान्छे बन्नै दिएनन्

तिम्रो सपना, इच्छा, लक्ष्य तिमीलाई छोड्न बाध्य बनाए

आमा तिमीलाई देवीको नामको मिठाई दिएर तिमीसँग तिम्रो जीवन जिउनुको मिठास नै खोसिदिए

तिमीलाई सबै दुख हाँसेर सहन सिकाए

तिमीलाई जननी भनेर अल्मल्याएर आमा, तिम्रो पालनहार आफु बनिदिए

तिमीलाई पुज्य बनाएर आमा आफु शक्तिशालि बनिदिए

तिमीलाई देवी बनाएर आमा तिम्रो सबै मानव अधिकार खोसिदिए

त्यसैले आमा तिमी देवी नबन

तिमी पनि आम मान्छे जस्तै आफ्नो सपना, इच्छा र लक्ष्यको पछि लाग

तिमीले मेरा लागि आफ्नो रहर, सपनाहरु मरेको देखेर म खुशी हुन्न आमा

मलाई यो भारा नबोकाऊ आमा !

आमा, तिमीलाई देवी बनाए

तर आमा तिमी देवी नबन

तिमी पनि मान्छे हौ, मान्छे नै बन

तिमी त्याग र बलिदानको उदाहरण नबन,

आफ्नो इच्छा, चाहना, सपना नमार,

मेरा लागी त नमार !

यसको अडियो सुन्नका लागी यो लिंकमा जानुहोस्: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_A7Icb433A

एक लघुकथा

बिहान उठेर मुख धोएर यसो कोठामा पसेको चिया त खाट छेउको टेबुलमा आएर बसिरहेको रछ | फोन चलाउदै थिए भोक लागे जस्तो भयो, टाईम हेरेको १० बजेछ अनि भान्सामा पसे, त्यहाँ पनि टेबुलमा तात्तातो खानाले मलाई नै पर्खीराखेको रछ | मैले भात खाईसकेर हात हुने उठेको मात्र के थिए, त्यो मैले खाना खाको थाल पनि पछिपछि लागेर आयो |  साबुन हामफालेर थालमा गयो अनि नाच्न थाल्यो  | आँफै धारा खुल्यो अनि थाल धारा मुनि नुहाउन थाल्यो | मैले खासै वास्ता नगरी आफ्नो कोठातिर पसे त्यहाँ पनि अचम्म तालले मेरो खाटको तन्ना तन्किदै रछ अनि ओड्ने पनि पट्टीएर आफ्नो ठाउँमा बस्दै रैछ | म दङ्ग पर्दै त्यो मिलेको खाटमा लडे | त्यतिबेलै कुच्चो नाच्दै मेरो कोठा आइपुग्यो अनि कुनाकाप्चा चिहाउदै धुलो निकाल्न थाल्यो | मैले धुलो उडायो भनेर गाली पनि गरें त्यसलाई | धुलो र मैले खाएको चकलेटको खोललाई लखेट्दै खै कता पो पुर्यायो होला मैले खासै चासो देखाईन, मेरो कोठाबाट चाहिं बाहिर निकाल्यो, मलाई त्यति भए पुग्यो |

ट्वाइलेट जान खोजेको थिए, मेरा लुगाहरुले त बाटो पो छेकेर पालैसँग नुहाउदै रछन् | रिसले मुर्मुरिदै बाहिर निस्किन लगाए, मलाई ट्वाइलेट जो जानुथियो, उनीहरुको के काम छ र एकछिनमा नुहाए पनि त हुन्छ ! म टिभी हेर्न अर्को कोठामा गएँ, त्यहाँ बाट कुच्चो खुरुरु कुदेर बाहिर गयो, फेरी मेरो गाली खान्छु भनेर होला | टिभीमा पनि केहि राम्रो लागेन र फेरी आफ्नै कोठामा पसे | पानी पिउन मनलग्यो मात्र के भनेको थिए, एउटा गिलास खुरुरु कुदेर छेउमा टक्क अडियो | मैले पानी पिएपछि फेरी फर्केर गयो |

मैले ल्यापटप खोले र फिल्म हेर्न थालेँ | एकछिन पछि भोक लागे जस्तो भयो र म रिसले कराउन के लागेको थिए, मलाई मनपर्ने खाजा अनि चिया बोकेर एउटा किस्ती आतिन्दै आइपुग्यो | आज खाजा ढिलो ल्यायो नि त त्यसैले डराको होला बिचरो | मैले खाजा खाईसकेपछि फेरी त्यो किस्ती भाँडा बोकेर बाहिर निस्कियो | म फेरी फिल्म हेर्न थाले, मलाई अरुले के गर्दैछन्, के गर्न लागेका छन् भनेर चासो दिने फुर्सद कहाँ छ र?

तातो घिऊको मिठो बास्नाले भान्सा तिर जाऊँजाऊँ भएर भान्सा पसेको, टेबुलमा तात्तातो भात मलाई नै कुर्दै रछ | भात खाएर कोठामा पसेर गेम खेल्दै थिए कसैले ढोका ढकढकाए जस्तो लग्यो | ढोका खुल्लै भको थाहापाएर होला बिहान नुहाएका एक थाक लुगाहरु सरक्क पट्टिएर कोठामा आए अनि थपक्क दराज खोलेर भित्र पसे अनि ढोका लगाए | मैले खासै ध्यान दिईन किनभने मलाई अरुको चासो छैन |

आज त फेसबुक नै चलाको छैन भनेर सम्झे र खोले | सब साथीहरु कोहि खाने, कोहि फिल्म हेर्ने, कोहि किताब पढ्ने भनेर बसेका रछन् | केटासाथीहरु अल्छी लाग्यो कहिले लकडाउन सकिन्छ भनेर लेख्दैथिए, केटिहरु मिठो-मिठो परिकारको फोटो हाल्दै थिए | कसरी फुर्सद पाउँदाहुन्? मेरा घरका महिलाहरु त दिनभरी केहि काम नगरी बस्छन् र पनि यस्तो केहि पकाउने बनाउने जाँगर चलाउदैनन् | एकछिन सम्झेर रिसाए अनि रिसको सुरमा कतिबेला निदाएँछु थाहै पाईन |

लकडाउन भएदेखि पितृसत्ताको दिनचर्या यसरी नै बितिरहेको छ |

Living with Menstruation

The coverage of menstruation in national dailies today is a little different compared to other days since today being Menstrual Hygiene Day, the write ups are more like features rather than news on deaths as a result of staying in menstrual hut. Although this is a respite, the discussions on existence and continuation of taboos and stigma are no less frustrating.

My Facebook page is no different with my female friends sharing information about awareness on menstrual health and hygiene and how we should break the taboo or how menstruation is special and should be treated like that. Even though I agree that the taboo and stigma attached with menstruation should be ended, I am not so sure about calling it special. It is natural, biological and yes it is normal and I strongly believe that it should be left at being just that. NORMAL. Anything else might get us back to fighting again just under a different circumstance (I will get to this part later).

The restrictions that are imposed may vary across person, family, ethnicity, religion and place although some sort of restrictions may seem to be present in all, for instance, restriction on cooking and/or communal dining or participating in religious rituals. I, for one, am no exception and have been living under most of these restrictions (refraining from cooking, sitting together on the dining table with entire family, going to a temple and participating in religious events) since the day I first bled. However, there are times when I have breached a majority of these restrictions, unfortunately without the knowledge of most of my family members at the time. I did, however, tell them about some of these breaches which the elder generation did not approve.

Born and raised in a traditional Bahun family, I have experienced living in isolation for over a week during my first menstruation to not being allowed into the kitchen and puja room (the later two lasts until today). The family I am married to is no different when it comes to following these 'traditions' and both my families take pride in preserving and practicing our 'sanskar'. Although I do not believe in the consequences that may result from not following menstrual taboos, I oblige by them, like most of my female counterparts, to avoid the conflict in the family. 

Over the years, the breaches I had made assured me that there are no serious or evil consequences that befalls on my family if I do not obey the 'rules of menstruation' and yet I fail, time and again, to convince my family of leaving behind these age old practices. I fall flat in even convincing myself to break a couple of these restrictions which involves the worship of the unseen, the ancestors and the gods. Even though I have entered a temple whilst I bled, I have never been to a puja or an ancestral ritual. There is the years of teaching that my subconscious mind have registered so well that it pulls back my hand when I move forward to touch the 'god'. 

When it comes to menstruation and its rules, most logic do not seem to play. I do not get answers for why I cannot do this or that, rather my queries are brushed aside in the name of practiced tradition or what we call chaliaaeko parampara. At times when it takes a while for me to convince myself of doing something or breaking one rule or another, it is no way possible for me to expect others to leave the practice behind. It will take time, a long time indeed and we have to be patient with them. One thing that I have learned in past few years is that sometimes quietly disobeying is far better and effective than arguing, however, that does not mean we should stop speaking up for ourselves or putting forth our ideas. It is just that we should learn when to speak up and when to stay quiet but not give-in.  

Coming back to the idea of whether menstruation should be left at being normal or should be celebrated for being special, I strongly believe leaving it normal could be a better choice, considering it special or celebrating it may risk bringing it back into the discussion of sacred and profane, pure and impure that we have spent years fighting against though the position may be different. But would not it be better if menstruation was just a natural process, nothing more, nothing less?

Will to fly

I, 

a lively soul, 

full of light and desire to take a flight, 

to aim high and fly up above, above the boundaries, the walls that's set up around me, 

walls to hold me, to restrain me, to hold me down to stop me from flying, 

boundaries, seen boundaries, unseen boundaries, boundaries set for me, a girl, a daughter, a woman, a lover, 

I was born free or so I thought and what a fool I was to think I could ever be free, 

free of these unseen boundaries, 

the boundaries of culture, of traditions and life, of life of a daughter, a sister, a lover, a wife, a mother and million other person that I had to be. 

My wings are tied and nearly clipped, 

I see the feathers lying around me of my wings, my lovely wings that I was born with or so I thought, 

I see it spread all over the place, feathers, white lovely feathers, now covered in red, 

red, the color of passion, of rage and anger but is it anger that I feel or is it pain that I see, 

in those feathers, the lovely white feathers which now bleed, just like me 

and I cry, I cry and scream and try to break free 

but the chains get tighter and tighter holding me. 

Will I ever be free the way I thought I was born to be?

Understanding Hygiene

The practice of open defecation is still prevalent in many parts of the country despite efforts to raise awareness about health and sanitation practices and the creation of open defecation free (ODF) areas. The government has not been able to meet the target of achieving 100 percent ODF status, and at the same time, there are many challenges involved in the task. According to the 2016 report of the National WASH Coordination Committee, 38 of the country’s 75 districts remain to be declared as ODF areas; but the figure could have decreased as we approach the end of the National Sanitation and Hygiene Master Plan 2011-17. The problem, however, lies not in the delay in meeting the target but the way the project is being implemented.

Alien concepts

The government has built public and private toilets in many villages and municipalities across the country with the help of donor agencies and non-governmental organisations, but it has yet to make people aware of the importance of healthy sanitation practices. Most of the public toilets are in a sorry state—some have broken doors, others are missing taps, some have broken sinks and some lack a water supply. One of the most common problems is the stink that pervades the public toilets and nearby areas. And apart from the lack of water, lack of knowledge among the people about using the available resources properly is another hitch. 

For those who have never seen a toilet before, the facility is not only alien, the concept too is equally strange. During my stay in different villages in both the Eastern and Western regions of Nepal, I came across many people who did not have toilets and but also came across many who did have them in their houses. Most of the toilets had been built less than five to six years ago with the aid of external agents and government and non-governmental organisations working for the improvement of sanitation and health. People in the Tarai who did not have toilets in their houses practiced open defecation in the fields and grasslands. When asked whether there were toilets around, they would casually say no. If anyone in the village had a toilet, they would point in the direction of the house.

People who had recently constructed toilets, whether in the Tarai or in the hills, would rattle off their importance the way NGOs had taught them. It is similar to what we call ‘suga-ratai’ in Nepal. They say, “You should not defecate in open spaces because that will spread diseases and you should also wash your hands after going to the toilet.” However, this is limited to words and not seen in practice. The people have built toilets because it was made compulsory and because they were given money to build them, not because they understood their importance. I am not trying to belittle the efforts of those who have constructed toilets after understanding their need and importance on their own. What I am trying to say is that in order to ensure that the project is implemented properly, it is essential for the people at whom it is targeted to understand its importance and to convince them to use the facilities.

Changing minds

One way to do that would be by setting an example. Keeping the toilets in hospitals and private and public service offices clean could be a start. How will people know about proper maintenance of toilets if they only see stinking, dirty and messy toilets everywhere they go? After that comes regular monitoring of every toilet used by the public—both those in public stalls and in private hotels, restaurants, malls and shopping centres—by municipal and health offices to make sure that they are not violating any health and sanitation standards. This isn’t as difficult as it may sound, and also no additional department might be required since it falls under the work policy and responsibility of the Sanitation and Sewer Section of the Water Supply and Environment Division under the Ministry of Water Supply and Sanitation. All that is needed is a little extra effort in monitoring and evaluating the sanitation condition in different places for which it can mobilise its local bodies.

In addition, open defecation should be completely stopped, and this has to be strictly implemented for passengers on long route vehicles too. As long as vehicles are allowed to stop in the jungle to allow the bus crew and passengers to relieve themselves in the open, the concept of an open defecation free Nepal may not be completely accepted. One hurdle to banning vehicles from stopping in the jungle or open spaces for that purpose is the lack of public toilets on the highways. However, if we are to achieve the goal of an ODF Nepal, we need to start working on constructing toilets along the highways, especially in places where there are no establishments like petrol pumps, hotels or shops. 

Finally, raising awareness is always useful and necessary because without understanding why one is doing something, it would be no different than ‘suga-ratai’. The only difference here would be doing something without understanding the reason instead of repeating words and sentences. Sanitation habits should be made a practice coming from awareness rather than through imitation.

Published: 03/11/2017, The Kathmandu Post

http://kathmandupost.ekantipur.com/news/2017-11-03/understanding-hygeine.html

Clearing Misconceptions

What comes to your mind when you hear the word political party? You might probably think of a group of wrinkled corrupt sly foxes partying at luxurious hotels with money extracted from poor citizens. That was what I used to think. Yes! That image of a political party, although still prevalent, might soon be an imagery of the past. I say so as I came in contact with a political party that does more 'social service than politics'.

Sounds strange, doesn't it? A political party coming forth and gaining reputation as a social service organization isn't what we are used to seeing. But as strange as it may seem, it is the truth. I am writing about the new political party in Nepal that has been attracting a lot of interest from youths and professionals. Yes, I am writing about BibekSheel Nepali Party!

The party supported and created by group of young professionals has, since its inception, been actively taking front row in bringing positive change in the country. Be it taking stand for Dr. Govinda KC or raising voice against violence against women, the members of BibekSheel Nepali had always taken the lead to guide people through it. BibekSheel Nepali has proved itself yet again.

After the devastating earthquake of 25th April 2015, BibekSheel Nepali took it upon themselves to mobilize its volunteers and members in rescue mission. Within an hour of the earthquake, volunteers for BibekSheel Nepali had started working on rescue mission, which after a couple of days, shifted towards relief program. A formal task-force, Earthquake Response Task-force was created where volunteers working for helping the victims of earthquake came from all over the place to offer their help.

After what is said to be the biggest aftershock of all, the 7.3 quake with epicenter at Dolakha district of Nepal, shook not only the structures but also the hopes of all Nepalese people. Yet again, it stroke with such a jolt that jarred the courage of many people that was being slowly recovered. It, however, could not shake the determination of youths who had been working tirelessly for rescue and relief of the victims and BibekSheel Nepali was not an exception.

BibekSheel Nepali Party mobilized its volunteers and sent them in groups to various hospitals around Kathmandu within an hour of the aftershock. The volunteers were spotted at TU Teaching Hospital, Bir Hospital and Bhaktapur Hospital assisting and helping the victims. With their willingness to lead and help people when everyone else are in state of confusion and chaos, the determination with which the members at BibekSheel Nepali are working shows a ray of hope towards actually creating a better and prosperous new Nepal lead by the new generation.

They have, with their good work and transparency, been possibly attempting to redefine how politics should be practiced and what a political party should stand for!

Building Road to Maitighar

When I pass through Babarmahal-Maitighar route, I feel like ‘WOW! I am in the capital city’. Apart from that, there is nowhere else that makes me feel so, well, of course there are few other places and things but let’s not focus on that for now.

Getting back to Babarmahal, the wide roads, not-so-messy light poles (without the wires) at least at the side of the road, lights with solar panels, neatly planted trees on the sides, freshly painted dividers, clean and unbroken sidewalks, all of these make me feel that yes I am in the capital. The road from Maitighar to Baneshwor, even to Koteshwor Chowk clearly gives us the feeling of a capital city but just as I cross the Chowk towards the route to Balkumari, it is the worst road one could ever be on. And it has been like that for over four months now.

As far as I could remember, the Baneshwor-Maitighar route was built within few months and now that the SAARC Conference is all set to happen in Nepal, the roads have also received finishing touches. Unfortunately, the Koteshwor-Satdobato route, however, have not received much attention. The dusty fog always covers the way as soon as the day gives way to afternoon. I wonder how the drivers find their way and Oh, how can I ever forget the never ending, usually an hour long traffic jam on the route! How I wish Mr. Modi had put forward a wish to visit Patan through Koteshwor! I am sure this road would have been ready by now.

It’s incredible, the sort of motivation it takes our government to get to work. All those tax payers paying a part of their hard earned money for almost non-existent benefit they get in return, all those troubles we Nepali citizens face on daily basis, the number of complaints we make to the government, the support we could show to them if only they had asked, none of these could get them to work, none of these could get our government to repair roads or erect street lamps. One international conference and up and about they go. Feels like they had some magic wand they waved and suddenly they had money and labor force to start the construction and repair works. Unfortunately, the wand only worked in the route these delegates would probably take. I just wish they had put forward a desire to go on a tour of the entire city. Maybe then the roads of Kathmandu would have been transformed.

There is no saying about how our government works and no one can, I believe, predict what the government will be doing or what will motivate it to work. All I wish is maybe someday before I die, I shall see our government motivated to work for its citizens and for their benefits rather than to show it to the delegates of other countries. I understand that impression matters and to earn a place in the world, one should learn to give an impression, a good one at that. However, if you cannot earn the respect, love and trust of your own people, there is no point in trying to win it from others. As we say charity begins at home, I believe love, trust and respect should also begin from home. You see, change should come from within.

We can only wish that this construction and repair works do not end here and shall continue even after the conference is over. We wish the money that we received from our neighboring nation shall be put to proper use. Else, repairing roads of only one route or the couple of them while all other roads are covered with dust and pebbles is like buying a brooch when you don’t even own a suit?

My take on The Gurkha's Daughter

Recently completed a book, The Gurkha's Daughter, by Prajwal Parajuly. I will not consider it a bad book although it could not meet my expectations. The book, in fact, is a good read. It tells the story of the resident as well as non-resident Nepalese. Their social as well as psychological changes and issues are wonderfully presented in the book and the characters mostly belong to the hilly regions of Nepal as well as India. Although the stories are good, the book, however, could not meet my expectation.
I expected the book to be a novel (a lack of knowledge in my part before starting the book) rather than a short stories collection. I expected it to depict the plights and pains, happiness and pride of being a Gurkha's daughter. But after reading the book, I found that the title was taken from one of the short stories, which although presented the social context and condition of the family of a British Gurkha soldier in Nepal, could not exactly captivate me.
I wanted to read a book that would keep me interested for a long time but while reading The Gurkha's Daughter, I easily got distracted. Were it a novel depicting the story of a Gurkha's daughter, it might have garnered my attention for a long time. I had wanted to read it the moment I heard its title but as it is said, don't judge a book by its cover, in my case, judging a book by its title didn't go so well.
Parajuly's writing reminded me of Samrat Upadhyay, who is famous for his short story collections such as Arresting God in Kathmandu, The Royal Ghost and The Guru of Love (books that had already found way into my reading schedule). I found many similarities in the writings of these two authors.
The first similarity of course was the structure of their books, short stories collection. Another distinct similarity is their choice of subject matter or the social setting of their characters. Most of their characters were of course Nepali, while Upadhyay's characters were from Nepal only, Parajuly chose his characters from Nepal as well as India (all having their origin as Nepali). The social setting or the economic and social background of the characters are more or less similar, usually upper or lower middle class. It probably was their own socio-cultural setting and background which inspired them for the stories. Although their writings were found to be similar, they are equally distinguishable, too.
Parajuly's character's were mostly based in Darjeeling or hill areas while Upadhyay's characters are always found in Kathmandu. Also, Upadhyay's writings were found to be more focused on relationships while relationships aren't major focus of Parajuly.
Both their works made me think whether our society is actually like how they both present it. Of course, their stories give us reflection of what and how Nepalese society is like, I cannot find comfort in the fact the our society has gone towards that direction. Well, who am I to comment on such broader issues like society and culture when I do not have proper understanding of my own culture and society? Nevertheless, living in Nepal and observing my surroundings and people, things, culture, relationships, etc. I find it hard to relate to the characters of Upadhyay's writings. However, I have found people and stories that are closer to Parajuly's characters.
Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, author of Spanish novel Don Quixote had wrote "there is no book so bad...that it does not have something good in it." Indeed, every book is good in itself as it has something new and different to offer than the other. We learn something from every book we read and there is no such thing as bad book. It is only the matter of our individual (and sometimes collective) choice and perception that we categorize a book as good or bad.
I do not consider any of the books mentioned above as bad books, they are, in fact, good in the sense they give us new perspectives of seeing the society we live in. I would definitely give an 'OK' if anyone asks me whether they should read them or not, however, I shall not suggest them to buy them to add to their collection unless they have read it on their own. Moreover, what I have learned from my experience is that selecting a book on the basis of its review is not healthy all the time as different people have different taste and your taste might be completely different from those reviewers. Nevertheless, to learn about new book and stories, it is always advisable to seek reviews, if not online than from someone who shares similar interests. Afterall, at the end of the day, it is always a pleasure to sit on your bed with a good book in hand.

Nepali Education System

Nepali education system goes beyond my head and I am sure many people agree with me.

Nepali education system mostly focuses on the theoretical part and that too, not just for higher level but also for the preschool level. I agree that we need to have theoretical knowledge along with practical skills but what I don’t understand is the reason for torturing the young mind that are just beginning to evolve.

My question is to those authorities who are responsible for approving and also designing the course structure for preschool (pre-primary) education system. Why should the children be tortured in the name of providing education? Getting an education is a matter of choice, well, maybe not for those kids but mostly it is a matter of choice rather than compulsion. What is compulsory is to be literate and at least have knowledge of the basics.

As Einstein had wonderfully said, “Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.”

Education is not about going to school every day carrying bulky books and ten kilogram bags. It’s about learning skills and gaining knowledge which would help you in future. Einstein was a genius and there is no doubt about that. In fact, his brilliance still remains unchallenged. But did he become such a genius by going to school every day and reading bulky books and doing series of exercises on notebooks? The answer is NO! He was curious and his genius lies in this interest in learning more about anything and everything he saw.

The highest level of education can be received with interest and curiosity. One must be interested and curious about things and only then could they be able to learn more. There is no use making someone repeat few pages of the books every day for a year and evaluating their talents on the basis of what they write on a piece of paper. Some people are brilliant in speaking while they suck at writing and some people express themselves well with their writings while they suck at speaking with others.

Everyone has a different talent and their talents could not be judged by one method alone. You cannot call a fish dumb because he cannot climb a tree and you cannot call a monkey genius because he flies from tree to tree with excellence. These are the kinds of talents they are born with and both of these are totally different from one another. Same goes with the children. Not all of them have same talent and so, not all of them could be judged in the same way.

But that alone is not the point. The point is, they should also be able to hone their skills and talents. Why is it that a child who scores 90% in board exams but sucks in sports or any other activities considered a genius and a child who is excellent in all extracurricular activities but scores only 40% in board exams considered a failure? Why do we tend to run so much after the numbers? Be it percentage, marks or ranks? The only thing people find worth appreciating is the number and not the skill or talent a child have.

I have seen parents putting pressure on their children for excelling in exams and the children haven’t even completed their primary level education, yet. They have their whole life to carry the burden of exams and scores and marks and percentage. Why not let them enjoy their childhood as a normal child? Of course you should make them understand the value of education and excelling since childhood but not at the cost of their childhood. They will never get it back!

If your child does not fall in top five category in class, don’t panic. Your child is doing fine. It is NOT compulsion to top the monthly tests all the time. Give them a break. Make them study an hour for whole year, not five hours a day for a whole week before exams. Prepare them from the very start. It will teach them the value of time and also help them excel the exams (that you value the most) and also live their childhood as a normal child should live. 

The democratic version of the Rana reign

Recently, I have had a lot of time for myself and I spent most of this time doing one thing that I enjoy the most - reading novels!

My recent read Satprayas left me thinking and making comparisons between the Rana rule and present Republic rule in the country. This book by Diamond Sumsher Rana, as most of his other works, tells the story of the Rana reign in Nepal. It mostly revolves around Dev Sumsher Rana, the reformist and probably the only democratic Rana ruler in the country whose democratic and people-oriented ideologies didn't let him stay on power for more than few months. 

Dev continuously tries to work for the betterment of the common people and development of the country which is not liked by the selfish Rana rulers who are more interested in their own personal development and entertainment. Long before he becomes the Prime Minister of Nepal, he approaches the then PMs with the proposals of starting development works in the country. The proposals are postponed with false assurances by the rulers, which Dev happens to believe. When he comes to power, he starts to work seriously on his dream projects, of opening schools, educating the common people, starting hydro power plants in the country, etc. His brothers, naturally doesn't like it and take over the power from him. 

This reminded me how such things still happen in our country. Whoever wants to do good are only given false hopes and assurances by others. Power and wealth are still being misused by those in power to support their personal development rather than the national development.

The book is considered as a historic novel so naturally, many things written there are true. I learned many things from it which made me think and compare the two political eras of our country. Here are some comparisons that I have made:

1.     The Rana rulers claimed to be powerful and strong. They were tyrant. But no matter how strong they presented themselves to be, they were in constant fear. They did not have to fear the common people like the politicians (if they do) have to now, but their own brothers. They are known for killing and overthrowing each other for power. Killing of their own kin was what brought them to power in the first place and it didn't quite stop. Well, even if the killing did, the mistrust remained. They did not trust each other and even a slight misunderstanding between one another lead them into plotting and taking over the control for themselves. This practice still exists in our political world. The leaders don't trust each other and if someone (outside of their political party) is in power, they start plotting to overthrow them and take the power for themselves. No wonder, we don't have a stable political leadership in the country.

2.     The Rana rulers lived extravagantly. They loved to show that they had enormous amounts of wealth (which of course wasn't theirs but belonged to the people of Nepal). They raised the taxes if their Dukutis were running low on wealth. They took people's money and spend them for their personal interest and entertainment. Looking at how our top leaders and country heads live and travel, we can rest assure that the practice of using people's money for personal benefit still exists. The only difference now is that the people are educated enough to know that their hard earned money is being wasted but yet, they do not seem to complain. The taxes still continues to rise. I wonder how poor our late Kings must have been because even after nationalizing all their wealth, our government has not been able to cover the loans and are in deep debt which results as price hike that only seems to affect the common people and not the ones riding the expensive air-conditioned vehicles around the clean roads of the capital.

3.     The newly appointed Shree 3 Maharaj (The title given to the Prime Minister then) would transfer all the national treasure into his palace. Few lakhs (One lakh of that time was more or less equivalent to one crore of today) were given to the second and third-in-command like Mukhtiyars and Hajuria. I fear the practice still exists, although not openly and not in the same way (you need to show some respect to those guys at Income Tax office, don't you?). The Prime Ministers and other Ministers in power still likes to live the same way and spend millions on their unnecessary travels to the foreign countries (apart from Sushil Koirala of course). I don't understand why discussions on state matters require the PMs and Ministers visit foreign country with their family (PLEASE let me know if this is necessary as my understanding of politics is limited). 

4.     Many development projects are still 'under construction' or limited to papers just like it was more than a hundred years ago. We are given assurances and hopes but not results. We only hear promises but do not see the actions. Dev Sumsher dreamed of starting hydro power plants in Karnali and Koshi, which to date, has not been completed (I wonder if it has been started at all).

There are many practices today which would remind us of the Rana reign if only we had enough time to sit, think and compare. We barely get enough time to spend with our family let alone compare the political eras. Our everyday struggle to provide a better life for our family does not give us any time to think about our country. We let everything happen around us without frowning and which is why the political leaders have so much control over our lives. They could easily turn our lives upside down if they want because we have forgotten how much power we have over them. We let them rule us when they are there only to serve us. If only we had enough time to think and take some action.

Well, I did have enough time to think after I left my job and waited for my college to begin. There was nothing else to do, thanks to the hours of load-shedding, which made me grab a book and then think about these issues over and over again.

The conclusion I came to often terrifies me. We abolished the Rana rule decades ago but did we actually do it? Are those days really over? Because from what I can see and feel, the system still exists. I fear that the Republican system in the country is only the modified, refined and so-called 'democratic' version of the Rana rule.

My entry as a cricket fan!

I had never been a cricket fan. Not once in my life had I ever watched a cricket match, let alone understand it. (The ones I went to during my school days don’t count as we were forced to go there by our school!) I still don’t understand it except for the basics that even a child would know (wickets down, fours and sixes, you know it). However, for the first time in my life, I had watched a CRICKET match with such an interest and excitement.

I was there, in front of the screen cheering for my country, praying for winning wickets and that grand victory that our team would get against Afghanistan. History is written today, indeed. It was the first time that Nepal beat Afghanistan. And it was the first time I had watched a cricket match with such excitement. Our boys proved that they can beat anyone when they make up their mind.

I feel sad that I couldn’t see them batting but their fielding was mind blowing. The excitement, the fear, the happiness, the stopping of heart at the opponent’s flying balls, the sigh of relief when run wasn’t given, the shouting when the wickets went down, the mixed feelings of joy, fear, pride, all rushing through my veins. How could I have been away from it for this long? Why hadn’t I ever experienced it before?

Well, I know the answer – our team had not played like this before! They hadn’t played World T20 before. They had not had such victory before! Nepali Cricket Team is what brought me into the world of Cricket. If it weren’t for Nepali Team, I might never have watched a cricket match! And I thank them for introducing me to this whole new world. The excitement and pride that I am feeling cannot be expressed in words. I don’t know what’s going on with me but I feel butterflies on my tummy. As silly as it may sound, I am actually feeling that!

So proud of Nepali Cricket Team! I wish for many more victories to come your way.

PS: If they can play this well without proper training and facilities, I can’t help but feel sorry for all those teams they could defeat if they are provided with similar training! Wishing for many more victories to come to their way! They deserve it all!

A walk down the memory lane - episode 2

When I see balloons, I go all childish. Even my friend comments me about my obsession with balloons. At the age of getting excited with new gadgets and latest fashion trends, I get excited by the sight of those lovely and colorful balloons. It is because those balloons touch a soft corner of my heart. They hold a special part of my life which is totally related to my childhood. It was my sister who, with HER obsession with balloons, instilled this feeling in me for those playful items. Balloons remind me of Dashain. As strange as it may seem, balloons were an integral part of our Dashain celebration. None of our Dashains were complete without balloons until my sister left the country. Ghatasthapana was the start of Dashain and balloons. The money we received from the ladies (mother, aunt and grandmother) of our house was all spent on the balloons of different color and structure. We were not allowed to keep money to ourselves and it was kind of a compulsion for us to buy a balloon with it. It was more like a tradition than compulsion and we wholeheartedly spent all those money on the colorful balloons. Even our parents were amazed at how many balloons we had at our home. There was this room, which was supposed to be filled with balloons by the end of the tenth day of Dashain. Round balloon, apple shaped balloon, heart shaped balloon, helium filled balloon, long stick like balloon, you name it and you would have found it in our room. It was like a balloon shop in itself. We were not to touch the balloon until the very last day. Whichever new shape/style balloon appeared on the mela was to be bought. It was the GOLDEN RULE. We were to buy the balloons of all styles, shapes, designs and possibly, all colors. All this was for one thing and only one: To take pictures with the balloons. As silly as it may sound, we actually did it and we did it every year for more than five years. It was an experience which I would like to relive. It might seem like craziness or even waste of money but it was a tradition which sadly, like many others, died along with time. There isn’t any room dedicated to balloons in our home anymore and neither do we buy balloons, except when it’s our kid sisters’ birthday or their demand. However, whenever I see a balloon, it becomes quite hard for me to resist the temptation of buying it and many times, I have ended up buying a balloon just for the sake of old times.

Great Expectations!

Long before we are born, our parents have their mind set on what we need to do and how we should behave depending upon what we are (male or female child). It is only after they plan out our future for next five to ten years that the parents actually think about bringing us into this world. They expect us to fulfill their dreams, behave accordingly throughout our lives and do what they always dreamed but never got around to do. It's like they want to fill that void through us, they want us to have the life that they could not, which is good but only when we want to live that way.
What if our dreams are different then theirs? What if we want different things from life? What if we don't want to live the way our parents wants us to live?
Then there comes ideological clashes and other issues that might result in ruining the heavenly relation of parents and offspring unless one of them backs off. But its not always the parents who expect us to do things. It is understandable for parents wanting their kids to have the life they dreamed of but never had because they want their kids to be happy. And they surprisingly believe that kind of life will make their children happy and satisfied.
But its not just the parents who expect things from us. The list is too big!
Since the moment we are brought into this world, we are expected to do things. As soon as we are born, we are expected to cry or even laugh, show some kind of signal that indicates we are alive and normal. Hence, begins the series of great expectations.
When we start growing up, our parents expect us to learn to speak good things, walk, run, etc. In short, they expect us to behave as a normal and healthy child. When we join school, the teachers expect us to be disciplined and hard working. We are expected to know all the alphabets by heart. It doesn't matter if we are two and half years old or five, we need to learn all of it along with new words formed by the letter. I am sure you all realize how hard it was for you to learn A for Apple and Kapuri Ka for the first time. Moreover, they expect us to be able to write them down on our own rather than copying from the books. Of course they teach us to do so for a whole year, but what they forget is that, not all of us have the same memory power or talent that helps us learn things faster.
As soon as we pass through Nursery or LKG, we are expected to learn more and more subjects that include English, Nepali, Maths and Science. Even before we learn to pronounce these words, we are expected to carry those heavy books and learn everything, solve every questions that are inside the book on our own. What I don't understand is why does these children have to carry those books when you can simply give them worksheets and ask them to carry it in a file, just the ones that are needed? Why carry all those books in a bag that are larger than the children themselves when you have other simpler options?
When we start making friends, our friends, too, start expecting things from us. They expect us to help them in whatever they are doing, understand their situation and keep their secrets safe with us, share our lunch with them and help them do their homework. Sometimes, they even expect us to do all their homework for them while they enjoy the latest video games or watch their favorite cartoon show. They expect us to help them pass exams, meet their girlfriend/boyfriends, buy gifts for them, loan them money when they run out of their pocket money, take them out on lunch just because they feel like eating something at the nearby restaurant/food stalls. But above all, they expect us to stand by their side whenever they need us, whether it is after a difficult breakup, fight with their parents, fight with the neighboring kids, shopping, bunking classes or losing someone. They expect us to be there for everything, whether they are doing something good or bad.
It is a great responsibility and for someone like me, who don't know how to handle many situations like that, it is pretty difficult to meet their expectations.
When we get into relationship, more expectations come our way. We are expected to be loving, caring and understanding towards them and their feelings. We are expected to call them at least twice a day (as soon as we wake up and just before we go to sleep). It is sort of compulsion and it is expected of your partner to call you at least twice and text you as many times as you can count. You are expected to behave, that is, you are expected not to flirt with others, tease others, make them feel alone or even jealous. You are expected to give your full attention to them when they are talking even if they are talking about something you have no interest in or something you know nothing about. You are expected to keep them happy and make them feel special and loved all the time. You are expected to make their family happy and comfortable around you so they could bond with you. And when you get married, the expectation increases.
With every passing phase of life, expectations of others increases. Your parents expect you to behave in one way, your friends expect you to behave in someway and your partner or spouse expect you to behave in some other way. There are always the expectation of your parents and your spouse's parents and later in life, your children's expectations. Even at your office, your boss expects something from you. They expect you to work well and finish as many work as you can. However, they never expect you to ask for raise in salary or ask for an early leave today because there is something important you need to do outside office. When you enter your office gate, your boss expect you to become a robot who could be controlled and who could work twice as hard and fast as a normal human being.
The series of expectations never ends, even after death. Because even after you die, your offspring might expect you to leave a huge among of money and property behind for them to enjoy. Seriously, throughout the life, you live for others and they never realize the value of it.
When you are old and grey, one day, you would sit back and reflect upon your life, the life you wanted and the life you lived. There will be certain difference between how you wanted to live and how you lived, but it is up to you to decide which one to make better. Do you want the life you dreamed to be better than the life you lived? or do you want to live a better life than the one your dreamed? The decision is yours and with every passing minute, you will be losing one precious moment of the life you want which will bring smile on your face when you will think about it many years from now.
Someone always tells me, don't live for others, live for yourself and now I think he is right. Living up to meet other's expectations and dreams could never make me happy because no matter what I do, I could never satisfy everyone. The most important thing is for me to be satisfied with the life I live and I guess I am learning to appreciate my life with all its rights and wrongs. It doesn't matter where I live or how I live or if I meet other's expectations, at the end of the day, all that matters is the smile that comes to my lips and the satisfaction that warms my heart while I think about how I cherished my life and how happy I am.